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Archive for the ‘spiritual formation’


KATHY - the desert

the desert is one of the nastiest places to get lost without food and water. the heat, the elements, the lack of water can be deadly if you’re out there for an extended time, unexpectedly. there’s really nothing pleasant about it–exposed to sun, wind, intense heat, predators, without shade or shelter. while a lot of us may not have ever been stuck in a physical desert, my guess is a lot of us have been stuck in a spiritual one. out in the desert, alone, exhausted, seeking water & shelter and finding none. wondering “when am i going to be rescued? when is God going to show up? when will i even get just a small sip of water, a sign from God, a flutter in my heart, something, that will carry me a little longer?” the spiritual desert is one of the worst places to be because it’s so confusing. if God is so good, then why is he absent? i am showing up, trying to be present, doing my part, and nothing’s changing. what happened? what did i do wrong? how come other people are experiencing God’s love, hope, spirit at work, and i’ve got nothing?

there are no good answers to these questions, really. i don’t understand the desert, either. i have been there myself. seasons where i just don’t feel God the way i used to, the way i long to. i strain and strain to see but everywhere i look i just don’t see what i was hoping for. i begin to question my faith. doubt God. shake my fist at God. ponder just throwing in the towel.

in evangelical christianity, the desert experience sometimes can feel like it has “something to do with us.” if we pray more, serve more, memorize more, get out of ourselves more, anything “more” we’ll “get back on track with God again” and out of the desert quickly. i’m not discounting we play a part, but i think this philosophy creates shame. the reason we’re not feeling or experiencing God is because i’m not doing it the way i should be. i am so familiar with this feeling. when i hear someone talk about how excited they are about God, i am sometimes jealous. and then i immediately go to shame—see, i am not doing what i am supposed to be doing to “get” God. if i only i were a better Christian. it’s all so stupid, really, but i am just being honest about how messed up i got with performance-based christianity.

our spiritual fathers and mothers—christian teachers and mystics and writers over the centuries—all recognized something very powerful about the desert experience. it is part of our journey with God and places where we might learn the very most about ourselves, about Jesus. st. john of the cross, over 500 years ago, experienced what he called “the dark night of the soul”, a complete absence of God for a season. while it seems like a horrible thing in the moment, terrifying, really, this kind of spiritual desolation is looked upon by many spiritual writers as a critical piece of spiritual transformation where everything gets stripped away (all of our works, efforts, techniques) and get down to the essence—God & us. that can sound pretty lofty. maybe even just a trite idea.

but like a lot of trite things, there can be some incredible truth in the triteness.

when all is gone, nothing left, just my weird crazy self straining to see God, feel God, hear God. maybe that’s where the real action happens. but i just don’t see it in the moment. and when i don’t get it, i’m out. i’m mad. i start to walk out to the desert on purpose.

but what i’m wondering these days is if maybe some of my “desert experience” is just that my faith and connection to God has made shifts over the past years & because it’s different it feels somehow “dry” in comparison. what used to be part of our relationship isn’t anymore and that’s not necessarily a bad thing. our relationship is just….different. i still long for the days of the passionate romance where i was just so “in” to the Bible & church & the spiritual high. i’m beginning to embrace that while that was good, real, true for that season, i am just in a different season, and if i look and notice, i see and experience God’s presence still, but it’s just not quite as exciting. i’m not saying i want to settle for less.

i am saying i need to learn to see the good in what is.

meanwhile, i know a lot of us out there feel like they are in the desert. tired. holding on by a thread, wondering when God is going to show up. i don’t have any great answers like i used to, but i do know this. i think we’re supposed to stay in and keep our hearts as open as we are able to. listen for Jesus’ love in some small way you’d never imagine. how we end up experiencing Him might end up being completely contrary to how we’ve ever experienced God before. you are not alone. something bigger is always happening that we cannot see in the moment. and probably what’s been the most sustaining to me when i am lost and wandering: never underestimate what God might be saying through people. sometimes the only thing i have had to hold on to is the word of a friend, God speaking to me through a person.

God, when we’re in the desert, bring us drink. a small cup of water, something that reminds us you’re there. give us strength to hold on, to wait. bring life out of barrenness. remind us what is good. and give us eyes to see even when we’re blinded by our thirst. Amen.

SAM - Less is More


I’ve used this video recently in a church classroom from You Tube titled Shift Happens to create conversation about globalization and explore the truths about our ever increasing globally connected society. Of the many mind boggling statements in the video, one of the most notable in the video was, “Did you know…we’re living in exponential times.” This was followed by example after example of where our current state of consciousness globally is to make more, create more, dream more, have more, produce more, see more, more, more, more. Well, you get the point. Which leads me to the conclusion, that since we live in Exponential Times we must be headed for an Exponential Faith. But what does that really mean?

Sunday night I sat in on a “Bible Study” that was all about Jesus. The topic of discussion was “Learning to slow your busy life down as Jesus did and make time to connect with God and/or be in God’s presence.” Not a bad topic at all. Scripture gives us examples of Jesus “getting away” to pray and such in Luke 4:42, Luke 5:15-16, Matthew 14:22-23, Luke 6:12…and I’m sure you could find more if you studied the Bible or just Googled it. Given all that good stuff, the reflection about Christ finding time to “chill” was a good one, until half way into the study I heard the magic word, the global word, the exponentially suggestive word…more. Once that word more is introduced in a faith study it’s like the shifting of the tectonic plates for some reason. The conversation shifted from an acknowledgement and identification of Jesus’ human need to take some time to step back from “busy life” to a formula of how we could have an exponential faith. And this is where I start to get uncomfortable.
Perhaps it’s the type of Christian I am, or lack of being a real Christian for that matter depending on how you receive the rest of this post, but I cringe at the idea of more of anything when it comes to looking at one’s spiritual life and thinking it’s not good enough where it is. I’ll admit I am an advocate for growth, absolutely without a doubt, though I advocate for a transformational learning approach towards growth, versus a transactional learning approach towards growth. The difference is this (defined in oversimplified terms):

Transactional Learning approach: a process becoming changed primarily by gaining factual knowledge.
Transformational Learning approach: a process of getting beyond gaining factual knowledge alone to instead become changed by what one learns in some meaningful way.

In my experience, when you engage Scripture to extract from it formulas to have more faith, more love, more trust, more healing, more strength, more Jesus, more God, more, more, more…in the least of these it produces more guilt. I would venture to say, that not simply for the least, but for most of us it produces more guilt somewhere down the road. More than likely it’s when we come to the realization that most of us can’t take these formulas and create more of anything. Consequently we’re left with ourselves and our ordinary faith. Then we feel like shit because we couldn’t be like Jesus.

I must confess I do believe we are living in exponential times, and therefore more of some things are needed. I would argue that we need more opportunities to engage in spiritual formation, which come forcefully through transformational learning. Primarily through engaging the kinds of people Jesus did, the least and the last, whatever that looks like in your context. I would challenge us all to go for it, but have no expectations of yourself, of others, or of Jesus. Just enter into community with others and be…then be yourself. Remember, you are loved wherever you are, and then remember you are invited to go a little further. Accepting that invitation will lead you to take one step forward, two steps back, and that’s just fine. Just start walking and remember, transformational learning is a two way street, which is best experienced when it means something to you, not some formula someone gave you.

Sam also blogs at www.geographyofgrace.com.

brian mclaren shares with the refuge!

the following was part of our november 2007 vertigo, the monthly refuge ezine (if you are interested in subscribing, click here). we have always known we wanted the refuge to be a missional community, deeply committed to global & local social justice. we want to stay connected to bigger conversations that are happening in the world because there are great thinkers out there stirring the pot & causing others to consider hard & challenging issues on how to live out the ways of Jesus in the midst of this broken & crazy world. one of those voices is brian mclaren. some of you have read his books, that include a new kind of christian, a generous orthodoxy, the secret message of Jesus. a former english teacher & pastor, he has been a key voice in challenging christians to consider how we can live the Kingdom of God now. he is booked solid for 2008 on a tour for his new book, everything must change (a worth read for sure!), but somehow in the midst of his crazy schedule he took time to answer the refuge’s request for an interview.

your books & teachings have been making a pretty big impact on the current christian culture. you are stirring the pot and causing people to really question what they believe about life as a christian. why do you think the message you are sharing has become so powerful?

At this point, I think my work has been more provocative than powerful. I hope it will be powerful in the sense of motivating more and more people first to see, then to care, then to act, and then to make a difference. Here’s what I mean: I was talking to Jim Wallis the other day, and we were talking about the change in the wind that we both feel - that more and more Christians are seeking an integral or holistic understanding of the faith, one that puts personal spirituality and social justice together. But then Jim added, “But 30,000 more people died yesterday from preventable diseases. Until that number goes down to 20,000, and 10,000 and 1,000, we aren’t really making the difference that’s needed.”

For that to happen - for us to move from thought to feeling to faith-in-action to Spirit-empowered-change - it takes groups like The Refuge working all this out on the ground in their neighborhoods, which is why I’m so thrilled to be talking with you.

I think that we all can feel a change is in the air. Something is trying to be born. Something is trying to take root. We feel the Holy Spirit groaning deep inside us, refusing to let us be complacent and satisfied. I hope my books are a little shred of those groanings, and that they’re resonating with the groanings other people feel.

what do you think isn’t working too well in the contemporary american church? what still amazes you about it?

I like the way you phrase that. I think a lot is going well, so uch really. But at the end of the day, I think Dallas Willard is right: we have a “great omission” in our “great commission” which means that we’re making Christians (or born-agains or charismatics or Baptists or Pentecostals or whatever) but not necessarily making disciples of Jesus the Liberating King. To put it more strongly, we’re better at making Christian consumers than we are at forming love-and-good-works-producers.

But a lot does still amaze me … a little Anglican church in Canada where people faithfully come to say and mean the Lord’s prayer and celebrate the eucharist and confess their sins and be sent out “to love and serve the Lord” - it’s a small miracle, really. A big megachurch in the US that’s mobilizing it’s people to address racism and poverty. A pentecostal super-megachurch in El Salvador that started a recycling center because they believe the Holy Spirit not only produces healings but also environmental responsibility. There are ten thousand beautiful stories like these.

Jesus had a lot to say about injustice, power, and the least of these. why do you think it’s been so easy for us to ignore injustices both locally and globally? what do you think we’re afraid of?

One of the big reasons is that we’ve been taught to read the Bible in special ways that blind us to a lot of its power. We’ve been taught to spiritualize and segment and hyper-analyzie and focus on trees and miss the forest. And I think you’re right when you imply that fear is a big part of it.

Partly, I think we’re afraid of change. But before we even get to that, I think we’re afraid of being criticized. A lot of our religious communities run on fear: ask the wrong question and you’re seen with suspicion. Don’t be satisfied with the standard answer and you’re out the door, with people talking about you behind your back. This atmosphere of fear accounts for a lot of our religious behavior, I think.

the title of this newest book is everything must change: Jesus, global crisis & a revolution of hope. why must everything change? what do you think is going to happen if we don’t change?

Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” So, wherever we see God’s will not being done … wherever God’s dreams for our earth aren’t coming true … that’s where change is needed. Of course, it doesn’t happen all at once: I’m not calling for violent revolution or careless insurgency. How the change happens is as important as that it happens: it happens quietly, but steadily, like yeast working in bread, like light penetrating darkness, like salt flavoring or preserving food, like fertilizer transforming soil so gardens can thrive.

In the book, I describe the peculiar and rather startling situation we’re now in: we’ve developed a large population, a huge rate ofglobal consumption and waste production, and a complex and somewhat fragile economic system supported by the most dangerous weapon systems in the history of history. This puts all of us at risk. I’d rather leave it up to readers’ imaginations to answer your question about what happens if we do nothing … because it’s not a pretty picture.

The good news is - and really, the book is about hope and good news -if we have faith as big as a sesame seed on a bagel, we can begin to turn things around. With God, nothing is impossible, and so mountains of injustice can be moved, and valleys of poverty can be filled in. I really believe that!

you travel a lot and see a depth & breadth of injustice in the world that many aren’t aware of. which injustices have gotten under your skin the most?

I suppose religious injustice comes to the surface first: religious people who use their holy texts - whether the Bible, the Torah, the Quran, or whatever - to legitimize the status quo or justify meanness. That makes me sick.

But beyond that, I’ve been thinking of economic injustice the most. I’ve been asking how can we turn capitalism around so that it becomes an engine not just of win-lose competition … us versus them, me versus you … but instead becomes a catalyst for collaboration, you and me together for the common good. I guess you’d call it capitalism with a conscience. I’m really inspired dreaming about an ethical buying movement, where we use the democracy of dollars to work for global social justice. Wouldn’t it be great to go into a store and find a code or rating on every product … so that we had the chance to choose products that were produced by means that are socially and environmentally sustainable? I really believe that’s something that we as people of faith could make happen, and it could make a real difference for billions of people.

we agree with you, that as Christians we have spent a lot of our time & energy in the wrong place–focusing on what we need to do to get to heaven, instead of thinking about how to live out the Kingdom here on earth. what are some ways you believe we can live the Kingdom now?

For Jesus, it starts with how we treat our neighbors. So you’re white and you’re getting on the bus or you’re walking into a party - where do you sit and who do you try to get to know? Another white person of your social class and race? Or do you specifically look for “the other” - the woman with a Muslim head scarf, or the kid with a bunch of tattoos, or the African American teenager standing in the corner? A smile on the sidewalk, an extra kind word in the check-out line … these small actions add up.

Of course, it’s an election year, and so we all need to take voting seriously. As I see it, as a follower of Jesus, I can’t simply vote my self-interest. I have to vote on behalf of the salmon and the warblers and the desert tortoises who don’t have anyone voting for them. I need to vote on behalf of the innocent kid in Iran who might be bombed pre-emptively if we elect a warrior president. I need to vote for the poor farmers in Sierra Leone - whose lives would be way better if we had a president dedicated to using American power as a good neighbor, not as an imperial power. That sort of thing comes to mind.

Ironically, for those of us who believe that heaven is a gift of grace, not something we have to work for or achieve … we of all people really don’t need to be preoccupied with that any more, so we should be of all people most free and ready to invest our lives for the least, the last, and the lost, as Jesus did.

In the book, I try to help people understand how to make a difference by looking at the world in terms of three interlocking systems - a prosperity system, a security system, and an equity system. I think that we can find ways to function in each of these systems according to kingdom-of-God values … and we can be agents of the kingdom in all our daily actions.

you are a spiritual activist, calling out some things that you believe are wrong with the system. how do you live out what God has layed on your heart even though the system doesn’t like it very much? does it make you angry, others’ responses to you, calling you a liberal heretic among other things? what do you do with your anger? how do you not get cynical? (we are taking notes)

If religion is the opiate of the masses, as Marx said, then cynicism is the opiate of intellectuals and the graveyard of activists who burn out. So you’re so wise to see the dangers of cynicism and bottled up anger - which turns to bitterness and ruins your ability to serve others in love. I don’t like being criticized, but I try to keep a few things in mind. First, as the singer Jackson Browne said, if you have a few real true friends, somehow all the other ones are easier to bear. So I cherish my friends as never before when I find a lot of people lining up as critics.

Second, I remember I’m a sinner, which normally isn’t very hard because I’m constantly proving the fact. The worst thing anyone has ever said about me isn’t as bad as what I know about myself, and nothing compared to what God knows about me. In this way, critics are what you could call “cruel friends” - they do you an immense service of helping keep you humble. Third, I try to remember that people who criticize me are just doing what they think is right. I’ve criticized a lot of people unfairly or in ignorance myself through the years, so how can I be angry at others for doing what I myself have done? Fourth, I remember Scriptures like Paul’s words in Colossians, where we’re called to forgive others as God has forgiven us in Christ, or I recall the Lord’s prayer, where Jesus teaches me to forgive as I would have God forgive me.

Fifth, I realize that I can learn a lot from criticism. Some is just mean, and you have to filter that out. But some criticism is constructive and a great learning opportunity. Sixth, I pray a lot. There’s a beautiful prayer someone gave me - it’s by a Serbian Orthodox bishop, and it’s called “prayer for enemies.” People can find it on my website …. brianmclaren.net. That prayer has helped me so much, I can hardly say. It begins, “Bless my enemies, O Lord. Even I bless them and do not curse them.” Then it lists all the ways enemies and critics help us. “Just as a hunted animal finds safer shelter than an unhunted animal does, so do I, pursued by enemies, find safer shelter in the shadow of your wings” - it’s really beautiful and inspiring and challenging.

But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t add that sometimes I just fail and the anger gets the best of me, and I start to get discouraged and overwhelmed. Often, at that point, God sends along some encouragement through a friend or a reader or someone I meet. So ultimately, I feel that I’m upheld by a power far greater than I can take any credit for.

there are all kinds of labels people have given to describe you–liberal, nonorthodox, neoevangelical. how would you like to be described?

Hmmm. I guess I’d like to be known as a fallible human being who is trying to learn to follow Jesus. As a human being, I have something in common with everyone in the world - Jewish, Muslim, atheist, Catholic, Protestant, whatever. And as someone trying to learn to follow Jesus, I am called to serve everyone and love them as my neighbor, which flows from loving the God who loves us all. But my guess is that this can’t be reduced to a functional label very well!

okay, last question, this is a practical one. the refuge is a rag-tag community of Christ-followers. we’re pretty messed up ourselves, without alot of resources, but we have huge hearts to impact the Kingdom. what are some things we could do as individuals to do to start a “revolution of hope” in a really practical way?

At the end of “Everything Must Change,” I really grapple with this question, and I decide not to come up with a list, but simply to focus on one thing: faith. I believe the most radical thing we can do is to disbelieve the many framing stories that are given to us, and believe the story given to us by Jesus.

If we have that shift in confidence, I think it will work out in a thousand really exciting ways. In fact, we’ll be developing a blog where people can share ideas about what they’re doing and how it’s going. And that will be a major function of the tour we’re doing early next year too - to help people dream together and share ideas.

Thankfully, there are so many great organizations that we can team up with. Amahoro-africa.org, floresta.org, sojo.net, emergentvillage.com, World Vision, the One Campaign and the MIcah Challenge are some of my favorites.

But let me just add one more practical idea. I think passionate people like you all could do something really interesting and enjoyable: throw parties for your neighbors. Just get people together. Have some games, help people get-acquainted, have some good food, wear name tags, share email addresses and phone numbers. Then the host could say something like this: “I’m really glad everyone came over, because I think we all feel that the world needs a lot of change, and I’m hoping we can try to be good neighbors for each other. In other words, we know the world needs a lot of change, and we can make a little start there by being the kind of neighborhood that would make the world a better place. That’s why we wanted to get everyone together, and if you have any ideas, I’m ready to help.” Then see if anyone has an idea. No prayers, no sermons, just an act of good will toward your neighbors. I think that if a bunch of us did this sort of thing, pretty soon people would be talking about God, because a good neighbor is a sign of the kingdom of God, at least I think that’s one thing Jesus was telling us.

brian mclaren is an author, speaker, pastor, and networker among innovative Christian leaders, thinkers, and activists. married to Grace, they have four young adult children. you can learn more about brian & organizations he is involved with at www.brianmclaren.net.

check out info for the everything must change 2008 tour here (tracy howe collaborated with brian on a CD that is companion to the book & is part of the tour. details here)

to order everything must change, click here

check out this brian mclaren YOUTUBE video for an overview of everything must change

KATHY - meat lovers beware! our taste buds have been contaminated

“i want some meat!”

“i wish we could get more meat!”

“we really need more meat!”

i know those of you who are struggling to buy groceries are thinking the same thing. but i’m talking about a different kind of meat that has nothing to do with grocery stores but everything to do with church. i have heard the cry for “meat” within the church ever since i became a true-blue evangelical church-going christian. when i entered into a season of spiritual and emotional healing about 14 years ago I remember demanding it myself. things started getting a little intense in my women’s group (people were really sharing honestly from their heart, not holding back, going the distance instead of faking it) and i told my group leader “i really wish we used the Bible more in here, i really want more meat! i really want to grow…” (i am now of course so embarrassed that I said this & after having seen the light a few years later confessed to her for not recognizing then that what we were doing in that little group was far more than just some stupid slab of spiritual meat—it was actually the whole cow!). but i was not alone in this kind of thinking. i hear it all the time, although now it is like nails on a chalkboard to me, maybe even like all of my children’s nails on a chalkboard all at once. and as you all know that is a lot of fingernails!

here’s what i think people mean by “meat.”

1. “Bible knowledge” - as in scripture verses and telling us exactly what they are supposed to mean. the more the better. a little bit of hebrew or greek translation adds the perfect spice.

2. “teaching” - teachers telling people what they think they need to learn or know in a very specific clear way so that we feel like we got a “lesson”, something motivating.

3. “certainty” – these are the facts and we are 100% certain that’s what this means and on top of that we are certain this is what you are supposed to do with this knowledge, too.

4. “a touch of shame” – some kind of moment that gets created when you think “now I’ll try harder….I need to be more godly…I am convicted and now this week I will get rid of that sin for good.”

while none of those things are inherently “wrong” what gets to me about all of them is they are sort of irrelevant to the gospel of Jesus. in fact, he said over and over to the religious leaders who had these 4 things mastered up and down, backwards & forwards, “ummm, guys, you are missing the point. here’s all that you need to do—be like me.” he didn’t say “go to a room, feed your belly with knowledge, get inspired and go home feeling spiritually fat.” he said, “hang out with the outcasts, the losers, the nonreligious, the prostitutues, the sick (oh, and by the way, that means you), get in touch with your brokenness & need for me and practice the way of self-sacrifice, generosity of spirit, humility and love. yes, my friends, this is what will change the world.”

i love the Bible. i think scripture can be transforming. but i also believe we have dismissed that true spiritual maturity is a life of serving others in tangible ways, humbling ourselves to the lowest place, giving up our comfort, money, time, pride for the sake of others. remember, the word of God became flesh, and that is what He did.

i think when we are honest what we really want is to be spoonfed spiritual milk and are terrified of true, tasty, Jesus steaks. most of the people i have been around through the years who demand “meat” are great, sincere believers. but usually their expressed desire for “meat” is actually them running for the safety of others who are more socially acceptable and sound more godly.

you see, the church has contaminated our taste buds. we have been taught to think that “spiritual” must include Bible knowledge, certainty, teaching, a touch of shame (and healing that looks like good behavior) so we keep seeking after it, church after church, Bible study after Bible study. but honestly, what it seems like to me is that people keep learning but never really apply much. we’re lonely but we never connect. we keep slipping in and out of services but never engage with a hurting person beyond “hi, nice to meet you.” we keep going to Bible studies & church meetings & services & prayer times hoping we’ll become more like Jesus and end up insulating ourselves more and more from the very places Jesus always was hanging out.

so here’s my soapbox mantra for the past 5 years or so, everytime I hear someone demand “meat”….“okay, no problem, look around. i see freezer after freezer full of it.”

reach out to someone in need no matter how messy it seems. help the poor. sacrifice your time and money. restore a broken relationship. love the outcast, especially the person that bugs the hell out of you. spend the time you waste watching TV investing in a person, no matter how young or old. stop nagging your spouse and change your behavior. serve someone else. open your home to others. force yourself to do something uncomfortable. get your head around the reality that you’re just as messed up as ‘those people’. humble yourself and let another person into your life. stay in a friendship for the long haul instead of running away.

and here’s what i believe usually happens next—never directly, always subtly—“nah, that kind of meat, i can do without. when does the next Bible study start?”

our taste buds have been contaminated. Jesus’ ways sometimes don’t initially taste too good going down. but for me, i have to say, nothing’s better than the aftertaste– the quiet moments when I notice where God’s spirit worked, what He is teaching me about me, life, humanity in the midst, and the beauty in the ugliness.

i know a lot of people think that at the refuge we are drinking milk. it sure tastes like steak to me.

what would jesus do with the church?


this blog is part of a synchroblog (people blogging about the same topic at the same time). we heard about it from erin at decompressing faith. here are the details. check out the links below for others writing today & see what they have to say about the same topic. we chose to participate because this is a subject near and dear to our heart.. now we will be honest, we can be people who rant and rave about all the things that are wrong with the church. you all know we are good at that! but the truth is that ranting and raving doesn’t change anything. action does. we couple the refuge’s belief statement with brennan manning’s challenging words, “if you want to know what a person really believes, you need to watch what they do.” when it comes to matters of “church”, actions do speak louder than words. we believe it’s that simple. we believe right now, more than ever, the world is watching. wondering. what kind of people are Christians? how are they best expressing the life of Christ corporately?

what would Jesus do with the church? maybe he has given us a glimpse of what he thought the foundational values would be in his most famous sermon. just think how different “church” would be if we took these words seriously corporately not just individually. here’s our little interpretation of the beatitudes in matthew 5:3-10 for churches.

blessed are those who realize their need for God…
“need me the most.”

we think Jesus hopes that we’d be communities who actually recognized our spiritual poverty & need for him. we have observed in church a reliance not on God but on high-tech power points, slick programs, video clips, fog machines, lights, amazing singers, inspiring sermons, and starbucks coffee. we believe Jesus would unplug church and get back to what is really important—raw interactions with people, stories, questions, tangible life on life that required absolutely nothing more than people & hearts.

blessed are those who mourn…
“let people feel”

what if churches became places people could really feel, mourn, grieve, so that they could be comforted? many think that the church is the last place they can struggle because they’ve encountered people who have questioned their faith, given them trite answers, expected them to get over their pain quickly. the result is always shame and the one place we should be able to be free from shame becomes the greatest source of it. we believe Jesus wants the church to become communities that embrace pain. that allow for grief. that are safe for people to shake their fist at God (we think he can take it) but are surrounded by other people who keep comforting, offering hope, not giving up. this means we have to be willing to let go of our “fix-it” mentality, stay in for the long haul and understand real change takes time and might look different than we think.

blessed are the humble…
“put others first.”

Jesus said that those who are humble will inherit the earth, yet the “church” has tended to have an overconfidence, certainty, exclusivity that reeks of pride & arrogance. we believe Jesus is asking the church to consider some really hard things in this category: apologize for the wrongs we have committed, ways we have offended, hurt & beat up people who read the same verses & feel differently about them. bend our knee publicly. admit our mistakes. open our doors to the outcasts or better yet close our doors and use our money to “go out” instead of expecting everyone to “come in”. if we have a building, let other people use it a lot instead of keeping it locked up 6 days a week (yes, that means people from other denominations, beliefs & ideas). give up meeting for bible study and start actually living out the bible with someone in need that requires us to give up our time, money, pride.

blessed are those who hunger & thirst for justice…
“advocate for all of humanity”

the church has a bad reputation in the media for focusing on two issues—abortion & homosexuality. while this isn’t the place to get into that conversation, we must not ignore that every 16 seconds someone dies of starvation. little boys & girls are being sold into slavery right now. as you’re reading this, families are being drug from their homes and slaughtered. closer to home, that woman you just said hi to in the parking lot is getting beat up by her boyfriend, your co-worker can’t buy groceries for her babies because her power bill is so high. the hispanic or african american or middle eastern guy you know overhears the jokes that everyone at work is always telling. Jesus told us to hunger and thirst for justice & righteousness. maybe it is time to be suspicious of power that masquerades as morality. we have to expand our world, find out what’s happening in other places and make people aware of it so they can make their own decisions on how to respond. help people walk a mile in another man’s shoes. show single parents, the addicted & mentally ill, the outcasts that we give a rip about them. give as much money, airtime and encouragement as we can to local & global organizations that are dedicated to changing life tangibly & practically for those in need.

blessed are the merciful…
“be kind. it’s that simple.”

the church can be mean. ask a woman who’s had an abortion. someone who struggles with homosexuality. the single mom who asked for help with her rent. the person who believes in something different than Jesus and just wanted to have a conversation. the christian who starts to doubt. we believe Jesus is calling the church to be places of mercy. compassion. understanding. that we need to listen better. quit talking so much. hold the space. wow people with our ability to stay in & be present instead of ditch, dismiss, and move on to the next thing. build a reputation for kindness in small wonderful ways that starts to spread.

blessed are the pure in heart…
“freedom is better than slavery to approval & power.

we believe that many churches are filled with leaders with great hearts who are sincerely trying to do what they think is best. we like to consider ourselves in this category! but we wonder if Jesus is challenging us all to notice how much of what we do is motivated by fear? how much approval are we trying to get? are we measuring success by stories of love and hope and transformation or by attendance, budgets, and adherence to the latest leadership book we just read? we think Jesus wants our hearts to be more pure, to be motivated by the right things, not our preservation or reputations. maybe he would challenge us to give away more than we think we can. to do anything we can to diffuse power. share leadership. ask ourselves hard questions about why we think we have to do certain things. don’t cater to the big givers, the power people, the ones we think are going to give extra bang for our buck. love people freely and help fan their gifts into flame instead of using them to get what we need.

blessed are the peacemakers…
“build bridges not walls.”

let’s face it, the church has a reputation for building walls against “the world”, those who don’t believe the same things we do. to be peacemakers we need to build bridges in our community, make friends with people & churches & organizations that are trying to advocate for the poor, the oppressed, the victimized even if we see God, the world differently. network with other faith communities instead of competing against them. teach and model peace, forgiveness, loving our enemies in tangible ways.

blessed are those who are persecuted…
“get ready for it to get harder.”

really living out the gospel means it is going to hurt. paychecks will be cut, women & those without a voice will get more air time. people will leave, demand that we “give them what they are used to getting.” leadership gurus will tell us we are stupid, that we’re not doing things we must do to build a successful church. hardliners will think we are not focusing enough on making sure everyone knows the truth. we might get in trouble with our denomination, our old friends in ministry, oh all kinds of people who won’t like us changing.

+ + +

here’s our bottom line. we don’t really want to do this either. we know this is the hard road and we are human beings guided by a sense of “let’s find the path of least resistence as quickly as we can.” but that was what Jesus was railing against. he told us from the beginning—this is going to be hard, harder than you ever imagined. but if we take his words seriously, then it’s time for the church to quit following the ways of the world—power, success, exclusivity, structures that have to be sustained, techniques-that-win-and-move-us-up-a-notch and start working on downward mobility—diffused, flexible, diverse, power-less, poured out, present, humble. we do not presume to hit this right. we are wrestling with all the same things other churches are wrestling with. but we guess what we’re saying is “Jesus, we’re listening and we’ll try to give it a shot.”

check out what these others have to say about what they think Jesus would do with the church:

erin word
glenn hager
gary means
alan knox
nate peres
sally coleman
barb
rick stillwell
jeff greathouse
dan
jonathan brink
barbara legere
jason ellis
rainier

KATHY - we’re in good company


when you think of mother teresa, what words come to mind? for me, i think of “poured out, deeply connected to God, amazingly humble, willing heart, in love with Jesus, filled up. sacrificial love” among many others. i am pretty sure “doubter of God”, “overwhelmed with emptiness”, or “tired of never getting His help the way she wanted” were not words i would have used to describe her. it’s sort of old news, but the recent release of mother teresa’s private letters has been rumbling around Christian & nonChristian circles in the past few months. I heard the story earlier this year, that during her decades of ministry she only had a few good weeks where she really felt it. the rest of her journey she didn’t feel God the way she longed to and experienced deep spiritual dryness that was agonizing.

here are some of the things she said to a trusted confidante:

“The more I want him — the less I am wanted”…..”Such deep longing for God — and … repulsed — empty — no faith — no love — no zeal. — [The saving of] Souls holds no attraction — Heaven means nothing — pray for me please that I keep smiling at Him in spite of everything.”

and in some private letters to Jesus:

Lord, my God, who am I that You should forsake me?….The Child of your Love — and now become as the most hated one — the one — You have thrown away as unwanted — unloved. I call, I cling, I want — and there is no One to answer — no One on Whom I can cling — no, No One. — Alone … Where is my Faith — even deep down right in there is nothing, but emptiness & darkness — My God — how painful is this unknown pain — I have no Faith — I dare not utter the words & thoughts that crowd in my heart — & make me suffer untold agony. So many unanswered questions live within me afraid to uncover them — because of the blasphemy — If there be God — please forgive me — When I try to raise my thoughts to Heaven — there is such convicting emptiness that those very thoughts return like sharp knives & hurt my very soul. — I am told God loves me — and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. Did I make a mistake in surrendering blindly to the Call of the Sacred Heart?

the question is, does this comfort you or freak you out? i think for me, it’s a combination of both. it is so comforting to know that i am not alone in the darkness, that someone far more spiritual & powerful & poured out for God than me doubted just as much (maybe even more!) than I sometimes do. when i doubt, which is often, i hear this ugly little voice in my head that says “you loser, you have been a Christian for a long time and look where it’s gotten you. if you had more faith, you wouldn’t be in such a crappy spot. if you just bore down on the scriptures & started praying harder you wouldn’t be here to begin with. you must be doing something wrong to feel so disconnected from God. what do you need to confess or pray against so the bad feeling will go away?” i could go on and on, it’s all a little psycho inside my head when this starts to happen. i think if most of us are honest, we all have these sorts of thoughts to one degree or another (i think those of us who were trained in the evangelical-think-truth-and-then-it-will-become-your-reality strains have a greater degree of shame when we doubt). or maybe i’m the only one and you are all saying behind my back “what is kathy’s problem?” (yeah, that’s my next psycho thought after the first round…)

what is interesting to me about mother teresa, one of the most revered and beloved spiritual women of this century, is that she didn’t share these thoughts publically. they were in private letters. her interior world and her outside persona were two different things. i understand and respect her dilemma, and we do not have to go around sharing all of our private moments with God with everyone we meet. at the same time, it made me wonder why she was afraid to be more honest in public—would her ministry have been questioned? would she get reprimanded by the powers that be above her and encouraged to get her spiritual act together fast? would she have lost some of her following? i have no idea and because she’s so revered i feel a little guilty even questioning any of her motives, but i guess i am just questioning why her outside & inside had to look so different?

the heartbeat of the refuge is real authenticity, our outside & our inside being integrated. that means we say some of the crazy things rattling around in our head which can sometimes be quite unsettling. and we do this even though we are pretty certain that people (especially Christians) like positives! what sells are results—10 steps to this and 8 simple ways to that. the power of positive thinking, praying, living, eating, you name it. all of these things will get you reconnected to God in no time. no one likes to focus on the negative. i don’t, either. but i do like to focus on the truth. and the truth is that sometimes i am mad, tired, and wondering when-the-hell-i-am-going-to-hear-from-God-so-i-can-feel-better. and despite my doubts, i do believe Jesus came to bring us life, real life, a depth & fulfillment in ways that are sometimes so unexplainable. but i am trying to learn to embrace that real life, real relationship doesn’t mean that i never doubt, wonder, question, get angry, or feel like walking away. in fact, ingredients of real intimacy with God (and people) include all of those things. what i like about mother teresa’s journey is that even though she doubted, questioned, shook her fist, cried out, and sometimes wanted to walk away she did actually stay in. she kept pouring her heart out to God and lived out her passion for the poor & unloved as best she could. she didn’t lay down and die. she didn’t disconnect from life & community completely. she didn’t run the other way. she stayed in.

at the refuge, sometimes it is so clear that life gets harder than we hoped. we long for the easy road, some kind of escape, a short cut, some way to feel better quick. i believe wholeheartedly that Jesus and the crazy unexplainable movement of his spirit in our lives is the answer. but i guess i am reminded today that it doesn’t come quick, it doesn’t come easy and we are in good company with the saints when we doubt, question, and aren’t feeling him like we so desperately long for. i guess what i hope for me—and for all of us—is that we keep staying in.

KATHY - Can Church Really Be Church if We Don’t Listen to Someone Talk?

Well in typical Refuge style we tried something a little out of the ordinary this past Sunday and at first glance it felt like a disaster. I realize, yet again, how foreign it is to not have the safety of a sanctuary with padded chairs, a perfectly timed worship set and a 30 minute inspirational message. We are all so programmed to think that is what “church” is that we forget that really none of that has to do with the original thought of living out the gospel.

So our little experiment scared the hell out of me. (for those who perhaps think we have become too liberal, notice the subtle way in which I have included a theological word!) And it really shouldn’t have. Honestly, it was no big deal but it felt like it was this big crazy thing because we are so not used to doing church this way.

We actually didn’t meet for a regular service this past week. Instead, we gathered in the parking lot—no chairs, no music, no signs (we don’t have any anyway), no nothing. We didn’t even take an offering—now if you have ever been on a church staff, you know that is the cardinal no-no (please, oh please God, don’t forget how much we need the money!) We were just a group of people showing up for “church” together. Karl and I lamely shared our hope for the night (please, friends, forgive us for our lack of any sort of clarity but rest assured, in our heads it sounded good!)—that instead of sitting together in one large group we’d actually scatter and spread a little love, a little Jesus in some small way in the community. It was not to “serve” in the typical way we think of serving—serving has come to mean signing up to serve a meal to the homeless, go volunteer in the church nursery, or be on the greeter team (no greeter teams at The Refuge, sorry, we know some of you probably miss that smile at the door a little but it’s just really not our gig).

Our hope was just that we’d pass on some love to the least likely, in the least likely way.

We were wondering, what if “serving” was just “noticing” people? Who around us might need a smile, a little help, a little hope instead of making it so complicated or disqualifying ourselves because of time, perceved lack of spiritual maturity, or a myriad of other excuses? So we split up in teams, grabbed some bags of random stuff we put together to use in whatever way anyone wanted to, and we met back at Karl’s for dinner and conversation. Some people went home and didn’t feel like joining in, that was so okay (of course, my first reaction was feeling like we had let them down, disappointed them, they were expecting church and got this instead. Then sometime later today I was like “why am I thinking all of their thoughts for them, who knows what they might have done on the way home????)

There were some fun stories afterward..some people brought flowers and a card to a woman who had cancer, others brought thanks and cold drinks and toys to children’s hospital and blessed all of the nurses & staff there who serve the Broomfield community, others went and visited a co-worker who barely makes it every month and is trying to get some healing in her life and gave her some groceries, others played with kids at a park, payed for someone’s meal at Burger King, brought toys to a family with little kids and not too much resource…all different ways that we passed on, in some random tangible way, Jesus.

Why do we always think it has to be in the big things? And why are we so hooked on having to go to church for an hour and a half every week instead of just hanging out together? This experiment was a little contrived, no doubt. But I think that was the idea—we’d probably never naturally do any of those things . We’re just so caught up in the whirlwind of life and all of our inadequacies that we miss all of these opportunities to offer a cup of cold water to someone who is thirsty, feed someone who is hungry, visit someone who is in some kind of prison, love the least of these.

So it seems so simple, so natural to the way of Jesus, so why was it so risky? Because church has become known for being a place where similar people gather instead of scatter, a place where we are supposed to get fed (and inspired) instead of give hearts to each other. Do you think that’s what Jesus had in mind for church? Creating a community is completely different from building a church. Church planting advisors in the church growth model would tell us that was a pretty stupid thing to do, not meet, don’t take an offering, encourage people to get out of their comfort zones…. That is church growth suicide.

But I guess I am constantly reminded that really following Jesus means church growth can’t be the first thing in my mind. Learning how to be more loving towards people is. And learning to be better lovers requires practice and it also means we will have to risk. It means risking an offering, risking offending, risking numbers of bodies in seats, risking my pride. I want to be a person who is more willing to risk. I want The Refuge to be a place where people are more willing to risk. I want to be part of a community that is committed to Jesus and each other first and foremost and doesn’t really care if they are entertained or inspired. They just want to live a new way, a real way, a risky way, the way of Jesus.

KATHY - Downward Mobility

Well it’s official I am over the hill! 40 years old. I know those of you who have already hit this mark don’t have a lick of sympathy for me. My favorite card this year was made by my son Josh, who’s 15. Here’s what he made up:
Roses are red, violets are blue
You might be 40 but you look 22
Yeah, he’s a liar, but he loves me (and if you ever need a self-esteem lift, just talk to Josh, he’s the best at that). But really, I am realizing that this whole turning 40 thing has been harder than I thought it would be. I keep flashing back to the idealistic dreams I had when I was twenty. When I was young and stupid I definitely thought life would be a lot easier when I was forty. In my dream, I wouldn’t have to worry about money, I’d be at the pinnacle of my career, fairly chaos-free, I’d have my two perfectly behaved children and a maid who would clean my house every week. Somehow, someway in the last 20 years, things have gone awry. A lot of my friends from college are rich but I now make less money than I made almost 20 ago when I graduated from college. Chaos is a word many people use when describing my life, somehow two kids became five, and walk into my house and it’s quite clear that there’s not a maid to be seen! My big plans for upward mobility have been thwarted over the years. Things didn’t go quite the way I had hoped. What happened?

Jesus got a hold of me, that’s what happened. And he keeps ruining my plans for upward mobility. Every time I try to get it, it sort of slips away. I think that’s a little bit what happened to me in this past year and a half as I transitioned off the mega-church fast-track and back into real life. Power, status, money, whatever you call it, escaped me once again. Hmm, I am pretty sure those were the exact things Jesus railed against but I am so attracted to. Jesus’ plan seemed to be a lot more about downward mobility than up. That’s kind of the big idea in the Kingdom. Whoever is first shall be last and the last shall be first. The least of these…blessed are the poor in spirit…all of the things the world (and even the “church”) told me I should shoot for, achieve, do, really, in God’s economy, means nothing. God’s economy is about love, tangibly expressed. And boy am I surrounded by a lot of people who know how to do that well. Real, true, authentic people who don’t give a rip about upward mobility and 401k’s and color swatches for their walls. I am in the trenches with people who are fighting for their lives, trying to live it well, and fighting for mine, too. And they’re fighting for the lives of others who can’t fight for themselves, either. Yesterday I watched a video of the poorest of the poor in India, beautiful women and children ravaged by AIDS and living in the slums, sold into prostitution, sifting through garbage to find something to eat. I sat at this table with people who are smart, talented, educated who have sacrificed their careers, money, status and power, to care about the least of these. I was awed. And reminded, for the next 40 years, I will have to fight against my human nature to clamor for “upward mobility”, a bigger paycheck, more status and power and listen to Jesus’ call…go down, Kathy, downward mobility, that’s what I’m all about

I need to be reminded that Jesus’ words of blessing to the poor, marginalized, the downwardly mobile was not a threat, a coercion technique to force me into a miserable life. His call to me to go downward is His methodology for the abundant life, the easy yoke He places. If I crave His peace and presence, then I guess I have to trust His methods. Funny, isn’t it, that I think more money, power, status will give me security and a strong sense of self? Yet Jesus says it will be exactly the opposite…if I find my life, I will lose it…

GINNY - Scarcity or Sufficiency?

Fear entered the picture shortly after the beginning of our story. In a place called the Garden of Eden God created Adam and Eve. They hung out with him all the time and everything in their world was made just for them. Only one thing was off limits and that was the tree of good and evil. Satan convinced Eve that God was holding out on them. When they both ate of the tree that was forbidden, their disobedience was called sin and they became seperated from God. As a result they became afraid.

The man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in cool of the day and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” He answered, “I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked so I hid.” Genesis 3:8-10

The Hebrew word for “afraid” in this passage is yârê, which means fear or dread. God’s very own creation, Adam and Eve, those with whom He had walked on a daily basis, were now hiding. Although they hid from God, He was not the author of their fear. He did nothing to make them afraid. Everything had changed and their deceiver was now in charge of their world. (II Cor 4:4)

One of the ways that we are so deceived by our enemy is through our living in scarcity. I recently read a book called, The Soul of Money, by Lynne Twist, who describes scarcity as a lie containing three myths: 1: the myth of “There’s not enough”, 2: the myth of “More is better” and 3: the myth of “That’s just the way it is”. Listen to how she describes the difference between scarcity and sufficiency.

“Scarcity speaks in terms of never enough, emptiness, fear, mistrust, envy, greed, hoarding, competition, fragmentation, separateness, judgment, striving, entitlement, control, busy, survival, outer riches. In the conversation for scarcity we judge, compare and criticize; we label winners and losers. We celebrate increasing quantity and excess. We center ourselves in yearning, expectation and dissatisfaction. We define ourselves as better-than or worse-than. We let money define us, rather than defining ourselves in a deeper way and expressing that quality through our money.

Sufficiency speaks in terms of gratitude, fulfillment, love, trust, respect, contributing, faith, compassion, integration, wholeness, commitment, acceptance, partnership, responsibility, resilience and inner riches. In the conversation for sufficiency we acknowledge what is, appreciate its value and envision how to make a difference with it. We recognize, affirm and embrace. We celebrate quality over quantity. We center ourselves in integrity, possibility and resourcefulness. We define our money with our energy and intention.”

What a great way to describe good versus evil. Who wins when we speak and live in terms of scarcity? The enemy wins. We stay stuck in fear and disillusionment and the enemy gloats, “see, I kept another from experiencing life.” God certainly is not glorified by a victim mentality. Fear causes us to become helpless and hopeless. . Even though the enemy is always prowling around, wanting us to stay afraid, Christ has given authority to all who believe in His Name. (Matt 6:19) We are told in Ephesians 3:19 that if we know the love of Christ, we can be filled with the fullness of God. John 10:10 speaks of the abundant life that Jesus came to give. Sufficiency is already provided. Scripture tells us “we have not because we do not ask”.

What if we chose to never again speak of “not enough”? What if we claimed our rightful place and authority to command our enemy to leave? (James 4:7) What if we defined the resources we already have and praised God for it each and every day even if it wasn’t what we were hoping for? What if we could truly see that God provides for us daily and we had better eyes to see it? I have been trying to do this, to focus on what I do have, not what I don’t have. It has given me so much more hope and helped me feel less afraid.

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KARL - The Story…

Tony Barker was the smartest sixth grader in the country and happened to be in my class at school. I remember when he brought War and Peace to class for his “free reading” selection. No teacher was qualified to teach him math, so he taught the class. At the age of twelve he aspired to become a neurosurgeon. He became one of the youngest tenured professors at the University of Colorado. But what I most vividly remember, the memory that is first in line for recall is…

In sixth grade Tony Barker wet his pants.

This past Sunday at The Refuge I shared a significant flaw in my character, a specific horrible moment that could have ruined multiple lives. It is probably not my worst moment, but it is certainly up there as something I would much rather forget. Now that I have said it out loud, publicly, it will now be a part of the mosaic that influences how I am known and remembered. Yes, how I am choosing to live now matters, but nothing will erase the memory of my bad choices. Hard to believe? What comes to mind with this name?

Monica Lewinski

A single act, whether stupid, evil, or silly influences our memory so dramatically it can overshadow all our other accomplishments. This is why it is always vital to remember the ellipsis.

The ellipsis (aka dot.dot.dot….) is the literary equivalent of Grace. We live in a world of periods. End of story. That is it, you are what you were, I have all the information I need. It is a life without grace. And I am fairly used to living that way. I forget that our lives are constantly being written, yes significant chapters have occurred and some of those chapters include some pretty ugly mistakes, but maybe the climax is yet to come?

The power of the gospel is that my story is constantly changing. It is my job to believe each person I meet, especially those who are part of the rag-tag community we call The Refuge, are not yet who they one day will be. Even more difficult is to believe it about me. I’m learning to believe my life is more like an ellipsis…the story isn’t finished. I must live this by not hiding, but trusting you will see me slowly become more of who I was made to be. I cannot end my loneliness if I am hiding in the shadows of someone’s distorted admiration.

I am …

Who knows where or how it will end?