www.blog.therefugeonline.org

as you all know by now, i have a lot of issues with “church.” i love love love people gathered together in all kinds of ways to learn and practice loving God, our neighbors, ourselves. it’s the programs, the inauthenticity, the power b.s., the unnaturalness of it all that i can do without. i believe wholeheartedly, in every fabric of my being, that without community and deep connection with other people (whatever that may look like) we will never be able to live out the ways of Jesus and experience the fullness of relationship with God. i am fairly convinced typical church systems that feed inspiration addiction provide a false sense of spiritual maturity where learning “about” certain things becomes enough and we are never forced to actually be in meaningful intimate connection with the people we sit next to week after week. lives need to be rubbed up against other lives. that’s where the real action happens and we learn what it means to really love & be loved.

at the refuge, we are not trying to be anti-institutional for the sake of being anti-institutional. it’s just that we are dreamers. we dream that the body of Christ would look much more like a family than a business or a production. after spending last weekend at the 3rd annual refuge camping trip at jackson lake i walked away with this thought: church should probably be a lot more like camping! really, it has all of the elements that i love & value about “church” the way i dreamed it could be:

• all the cover-ups are stripped away - camping is a great equalizer. a tent’s a tent. no one cares about what you wear or what you look like. every person trying to pull themselves up on a tube in the middle of the lake looks awkward, no matter how much money they make or what job they have. in a good way, camping (especially when there’s water because that means bathing suits!) exposes us in a safe container because everyone else is equally exposed, too.

• everyone shares - that is one of my favorite things, when we are camping there’s an incredible sharing of “stuff” with each other. we had 14 sites all to ourselves and there was zigzagging all over the place… ”need an extra tent? want some eggs? i’ve got some bacon! come over to our place and we’ll cook up the food.” needs get met. openhandedness abounds.

• conversations flow - fire, time and space creates a container for relaxed & meaningful conversation. no one’s rushed, hurried, has an agenda, or always has the floor.

• playing & more playing - little kids playing with big kids, big kids making new friends, games around the picnic table, balls getting tossed, splashing in the water, silly songs around the campfire, people trying things they don’t normally try, laughter everywhere. that’s worship.

• the little ones are a part - kids & grownups together is really important to me. we’re supposed to know each other’s kids & look after them & help them & love them instead of keeping them safely put away while we “do our thing”. when we’re camping, we’re all together, eyes and hearts and hands all over the place making sure everyone’s known & taken care of.

• relaxed instead of rushed - hurriedness is what messes with community. rushing in, rushing out, going from one thing to the next and never being able to be present in the moment. the stress of time and responsibilities and pressures really rob us of peace & connection. when we’re camping, we’re chill. we’re present. we’re unwound instead of wound up. we’re glad to be here instead of thinking where else we have to go next.

i could go on and on about all the cool parallels and i am sure i missed some other big ones, but you get the point. yeah, to me, camping really is “church” at its finest.
here’s a photo collage from our time together:

roy soto of via del red camino, a network of communities in latin america, wrote these. we thought they were so appropriate for the refuge commmunity. may these kingdom principles be part of the fabric of our community.

1. blessed are those that share what they have, for they will be a community of life.

2. blessed are those that are able to enjoy the fruit of their labor, for they will be a community of honesty.

3. blessed are those that stand together for equality, for they will be a community of justice.

4. blessed are those that release their grip on their possessions, for they will be a community of freedom.

5. blessed are those that feel the pain of others as their own, for they will be a community of mercy.

6. blessed are those that teach their children kingdom values, for they will be a community of hope.

7. blessed are they that show love instead of the law, for they will be a community of grace

we love the geography of grace blog that sam trujillo edits. it is really worth checking out. there are two recent posts that we’d love for you to read.

the first is about NAN (never be fake, always feel pain & never turn down healing), the mom’s group that tiera trujillo facilitates at joshua station. check it out here. a few refuge folks are helping babysit the kids the first saturday of every month while the moms are participating in NAN. if you want to be part of this team, email tiera.

the other story is a recent post by bob ekblad, who is part of tierra nueva, an ecumenical ministry that seeks to share the good news of God’s liberation in Jesus Christ with migrant farmworkers, new immigrants, and permanent hispanic residents in western washington. he the author of reading the bible with the damned and a new christian manifesto: pledging allegiance to the kingdom of God. we loved what he shared about believing in people like jesus did.

here’s just a taste:

The story of Jesus’ healing of the paralytic in Bethesda never fails to bring healing and hope in Skagit County Jail and other places we at Tierra Nueva minister. Jesus heals a man who for many reasons cannot succeed. This inspires me as I feel drawn to people who the world has given up on. Jesus heals him by knowing him, respecting him, believing in him and calling him to do something humanly impossible: to stand up and step out of his debilitating circumstances into a new life. Jesus is on his way to a religious feast in Jerusalem—kind of like the priest and the Levite of the Good Samaritan story. Jesus stops at a pool by the sheep gate, where “lay a multitude of those who were sick, blind, lame, and withered, waiting for the moving of the waters” (John 5:3).

“What would be the equivalent of the pool today?” I ask a group of inmates. The first man mentions hospitals. Others say “bars,” “drug houses” and “right here in this jail.” They talk about being sick and paralyzed by addictions, negative emotions, charges, imprisonment, debt and fines. The inmates have no difficulty envisioning themselves there among the multitude of those desperate for a breakthrough.

read the rest of the post here.

“the word became flesh and moved into the neighborhood…” john 1:14, the message

last week at the refuge we talked about the spiritual discipline of incarnational relationships. “in the flesh”…”the state of meat.” real flesh on flesh. life on life. it really got me thinking…

christians try to convert the atheists, parents try to convert their kids to positive ways of behavior that will make their lives much easier and fulfilling. and addicts (alcohol, drug, sex, food, control, work, codependency, money, untruthfulness….you name it) drive present addicts up the wall with their incessant preaching. let’s face it, we all have an agenda.

i’m a recovery snob. having been involved for almost 6 years in various recovery/healing groups, i see the immense benefit of working on our stuff through a 12 step program. i believe, to the point of sometimes cramming my agenda down your throat. i mean, hey, i have wisdom that i think should be imparted to you! the truth is my goal is, quite often, very noble and helpful. it is good to accept Jesus and be a Christ follower. it’s good for a child to learn to integrate into the world around him/her. it’s also good for the addict to come to grips with their brokenness and begin to heal. but i’m definitely beginning to rethink my role and my methods in this process.

a half a year ago, i was talking to one of my mentors about someone i’d known for a few years. this young lady was, in my prideful opinion, in need of my wisdom on her recovery. (a need she had never shared that she needed or desired, but i have been practicing mind reading for decades). so i decided i was going to make her a “project” of mine. (as i type these words, i break out in a cold sweat thinking i could be so full of myself and so utterly arrogant. i’m pleased to say i have asked her forgiveness, on more than one occasion, and she has responded to me with nothing but grace).

but God worked in His mysterious way, to show me what i believe to be a better way. while having the conversation with my mentor, i received a call from my friend asking me to hang out with her on that saturday. wow, i thought, this must be God’s validation that i was on the right path to fix her life. (remember the mind reading thing.) God, as usual, was on a slightly different page.

that friday night i attended a discussion with jim henderson (the founder of “off the map“) and matt casper (the friendly atheist). a christian and an atheist who were not trying to convert each other, but just be friends, love each other and discuss their beliefs. during a q&a session, a caring but misguided young pastor was arrogant enough to think he had just the right magic words to convert casper. in a gentle rebuttal, casper made a very good point. he said christians seem to know just what he needs and they are going to give it to him, even if he doesn’t want it. he went on to say that this would never work and could drive a wedge into a relationship. then he made a remark that i hope will forever change how i do relationships. he said: “if i am to be converted it will be by the power of, who you call, the Holy Spirit.”

this seemed so profound. i remember Jesus saying the Holy Spirit would draw us to God. and i remember Him saying the greatest commandment was to love God and each other. so, just maybe, it is the Holy Spirit’s job to move people’s hearts and lives and my job is to love them. encourage them. and guide them (only if they ask) on their journey. and then just see what God does.

casper’s words stirred something up in me, but by saturday morning my own sense of self had kicked back in and i was busy at work formulating a strategy. a way to manipulate my friend so i could drag her on the journey that had worked so well for me. (although, if my journey was as successful as i sometimes like to think, i would not be so controlling and manipulative, would i?). as i was driving to meet her for lunch, i had a Damascus experience. in a voice that was barely less than audible, God said to me:”weren’t you paying attention, last night, when matt explained that pushing on people isn’t the answer. just love her. be her friend. the Holy Spirit will do the rest”. so i prayed and asked God to guide my interactions with her.

that day was hard for me. so many times i had to fight the urge to “fix” my friend. we accomplished the task we needed to do in a few hours, but spent 7 hours just hanging and talking. i have a hard time with surface conversation—i love to go deep–so i had to resist pushing or prodding her to go in the direction i thought she needed to go. as we headed to the parking lot to go our separate ways, she paused before getting into her car. she started to share. really share from her heart. this wonderful sharing lasted over an hour and a half. while she shared a beautiful transformation occurr ed. in the twilight, i saw her face change, right before my eyes. it was like a veil had been lifted. the masks started to come off. both mine and hers. we had taken that next step on our journey toward healing. we were no longer people who knew each other. not just a fixer and a project. not just, even, friends. but special soul-mates on the same journey. an amazing thing has since happened. not only have i been able to speak truth and healing into her life, but she has been able to do the same for me. we have become safe for each other. one not always leading, one not always following, but walking side by side with each other. living incarnately…

over a year ago i experienced this same joy with my daughter. as we struggled with our relationship, i remember her saying: “i don’t need you to be my dad, i need you to be my friend”. puzzled by this remark i talked with a counselor i know. she said she already knows what you expect from her. you’ve been telling her for 26 years. she is struggling to be what she should be. she just wants and needs you to love her and be there for her. when i told my daughter this she said that was exactly what she desired from me. i told her i would do my best and a few months later God showed up, again. she was able to share the very hard things in her life that she had never been able to share because i was now safe for her. and again the healing has gone both ways. we have never been closer.

i believe that really a wise friend said: “if we love people, the way God loves them, they are able to let down the wall between us. and when they do we will see the beautiful person that God has always seen. the person that, sadly, most people will never see. because it takes too much time and is way too hard and messy, but oh oh so worth it”.

spiritual meat is not a bible study, words that when said will magically transform people. no, i am coming to grips with the reality that spiritual meat is life on life, in the trenches with each other, not one up, one down, but heart to heart, life to life, soul to soul. with each other, not for or to each other. that’s living & loving incarnately.

“i want some meat!”

“i wish we could get more meat!”

i know those of you who are struggling to buy groceries are thinking the same thing. but i’m talking about a different kind of meat that has nothing to do with grocery stores but everything to do with church. i have heard the cry for “meat” within the church ever since i became a true-blue evangelical church-going christian. when i entered into a season of spiritual and emotional healing about 14 years ago I remember demanding it myself. things started getting a little intense in my women’s group (people were really sharing honestly from their heart, not holding back, going the distance instead of faking it) and i told my group leader “i really wish we used the Bible more in here, i really want more meat! i really want to grow…” (i am now of course so embarrassed that I said this & after having seen the light a few years later confessed to her for not recognizing then that what we were doing in that little group was far more than just some stupid slab of spiritual meat—it was actually the whole cow!). but i was not alone in this kind of thinking. i hear it all the time, although now it is like nails on a chalkboard to me, maybe even like all of my children’s nails on a chalkboard all at once. and as you all know that is a lot of fingernails!

here’s what i think people mean by “meat.”

1. “Bible knowledge” - as in scripture verses and telling us exactly what they are supposed to mean. the more the better. a little bit of hebrew or greek translation adds the perfect spice.

2. “teaching” - teachers telling people what they think they need to learn or know in a very specific clear way so that we feel like we got a “lesson”, something motivating.

3. “certainty” – these are the facts and we are 100% certain that’s what this means and on top of that we are certain this is what you are supposed to do with this knowledge, too.

4. “a touch of shame” – some kind of moment that gets created when you think “now I’ll try harder….I need to be more godly…I am convicted and now this week I will get rid of that sin for good.”

while none of those things are inherently “wrong” what gets to me about all of them is they are sort of irrelevant to the gospel of Jesus. in fact, he said over and over to the religious leaders who had these 4 things mastered up and down, backwards & forwards, “ummm, guys, you are missing the point. here’s all that you need to do—be like me.” he didn’t say “go to a room, feed your belly with knowledge, get inspired and go home feeling spiritually fat.” he said, “hang out with the outcasts, the losers, the nonreligious, the prostitutues, the sick (oh, and by the way, that means you), get in touch with your brokenness & need for me and practice the way of self-sacrifice, generosity of spirit, humility and love. yes, my friends, this is what will change the world.”

i love the Bible. i think scripture can be transforming. but i also believe we have dismissed that true spiritual maturity is a life of serving others in tangible ways, humbling ourselves to the lowest place, giving up our comfort, money, time, pride for the sake of others. remember, the word of God became flesh, and that is what He did.

i think when we are honest what we really want is to be spoonfed spiritual milk and are terrified of true, tasty, Jesus steaks. most of the people i have been around through the years who demand “meat” are great, sincere believers. but usually their expressed desire for “meat” is actually them running for the safety of others who are more socially acceptable and sound more godly.

you see, the church has contaminated our taste buds. we have been taught to think that “spiritual” must include Bible knowledge, certainty, teaching, a touch of shame (and healing that looks like good behavior) so we keep seeking after it, church after church, Bible study after Bible study. but honestly, what it seems like to me is that people keep learning but never really apply much. we’re lonely but we never connect. we keep slipping in and out of services but never engage with a hurting person beyond “hi, nice to meet you.” we keep going to Bible studies & church meetings & services & prayer times hoping we’ll become more like Jesus and end up insulating ourselves more and more from the very places Jesus always was hanging out.

so here’s my soapbox mantra for the past 5 years or so, everytime I hear someone demand “meat”….“okay, no problem, look around. i see freezer after freezer full of it.”

reach out to someone in need no matter how messy it seems. help the poor. sacrifice your time and money. restore a broken relationship. love the outcast, especially the person that bugs the hell out of you. spend the time you waste watching TV investing in a person, no matter how young or old. stop nagging your spouse and change your behavior. serve someone else. open your home to others. force yourself to do something uncomfortable. get your head around the reality that you’re just as messed up as ‘those people’. humble yourself and let another person into your life. stay in a friendship for the long haul instead of running away.

and here’s what i believe usually happens next—never directly, always subtly—“nah, that kind of meat, i can do without. when does the next Bible study start?”

our taste buds have been contaminated. Jesus’ ways sometimes don’t initially taste too good going down. but for me, i have to say, nothing’s better than the aftertaste– the quiet moments when I notice where God’s spirit worked, what He is teaching me about me, life, humanity in the midst, and the beauty in the ugliness.

i know a lot of people think that at the refuge we are drinking milk. it sure tastes like steak to me.